How to deal

How does one deal with the loss of a loved one? We all do in our own way. I am 32 years old the age my own mother died. My eldest daughter is 11 years old the same age I was when she died. Well, she died in Oct. and I was ten, my birthday is in Dec. so 10 1/2 years old really. Anyway, I find myself in a scary place. I guess the reality of just how younge my mother was when she died is hitting me. Looking at my own daughter and thinking WOW, I was that tender age when I lost my mother. The fear I feel is of my own girls having to experience the pain and confusion I did. I don't want that for them. I cherish my girls more because of this. I can put myself in their shoes and I can relate.

I want my girls to know that they are loved and perfect as they are. I don't want them to feel like they do not have a place to fit. My arms, my heart the very soul of me is where they fit. There is no love like a mothers love. I have never recieved the unconditional love I had from my own mother until now, here in this moment as a mother myself. My children love me unconditionally and that is such a precious gift. I am blessed. I am still dealing with the loss of my mother. I felt it stronge and hard when I became pregnant with my first daughter. Desperately wanting someone to share in my excitement and fear. I chose to write a diary of letters to my mother and this helped relieve the anxiety,pain and fear I was feeling. I gave my first daughter my mothers middle name to honor her memory. She is forever going to not be a grandmother, confidant, friend, and mother. This pain is deep. I mourn the loss of my mother even several years later. My mothers death was tragic. She had cervical cancer. A very treatable type of cancer. She had a hyserctomy, and under went chemo and radiation. Unfortunately, my mothers doctor overdosed her on the chemo and radiation and this caused her death. I will post more on this later. I just wanted to share how we can savor memories and continue to make memories. Cherish your loved ones, savore the moments you share and do not take them for granted. You never know what will be your last moment, so make them all good ones.

Thank you,
Christina