Painful but True

Another great article written by hub member cindivine

Fear and the Abusive Relationship
When someone makes you afraid to be yourself, and afraid to control yourself so that you are available to be controlled by them, then you are a victim of abuse.
Outsiders don’t understand what an abused person actually goes through. They tend to generalise, play down the situation and blame the Victim, by making comments like, “They must like being abused or they would leave.”
“You are just a person who loves too much, so you brought it on yourself.”
“You have a low self-esteem so you don’t have the guts to leave.”
“You did something to provoke the abuse.”
“You over-exaggerate or make-up the abuse. It’s really not as bad as you say.”
“If your partner has a problem controlling their anger or stress, all you have to do is learn to keep out of their way.”
“Abused people all come from poor, low class, uneducated backgrounds, so it’s their lot in life.”
The truth is, nobody enjoys being abused, be it verbally, physically or mentally, no matter what your self-esteem is like. People who are into sado-masochism are just playing games and what we might call abuse is just a part of that game. The difference in a sado-masochistic game, is that both partners are willing players. In an abusive relationship, one partner is not a willing player, and is only staying in the game out of fear.
An interesting statistic, I don’t know about abused men, but I read somewhere that 70% of domestic assaults occur after the woman tries to leave, and one-half of all battered women murdered, are murdered after they leave. So, don’t judge someone who is staying in an abusive relationship. You don’t know what fears are keeping them there.

Top ten reasons we stay in bad relationships


FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR
FEAR

It is sad but this is a truth that is unspoken by many. Its hard to understand why anyone would stay in an abusive relationship unless you yourself have walked in those shoes. Most abused woman do reach out to others for help, yet the are told things like, you are exaggerating the abuse, just stay out of his way, what did you do to make him so made, basically they are told to SUCK IT UP!! Which the abused woman internalizes as I deserve this its my fault and I cannot get anything better. The fear rises, hopelessness sets in and a feeling of numbness takes over. Sad,painful Truth.